Worst Jokes Ever

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!

Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

What do you call a Censor with Autism?

A Censorspaz.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

Your dad never needed a van for you.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

I smell burnt toast.

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

I hate myself.

How do you start a dance party?

Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.

What's green and is dangerous?

Kermit with a flip knife.

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?