Worst Jokes Ever

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

Because the sign says "No Tres passing."

I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.