Worst Jokes Ever

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

What do you call a Censor with Autism?

A Censorspaz.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

Your dad never needed a van for you.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

I smell burnt toast.

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

I hate myself.

How do you start a dance party?

Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.

What's green and is dangerous?

Kermit with a flip knife.

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Me: "I like kids."

Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?

Rock, paper, lesbians.

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"