Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

9/11 and Jenga are the same.

It's a controlled demolition.

Like if you think rape jokes are funny.

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.

Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

Me: "/"

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.

What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.

But what is similar is tha-

Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!

Sorry 'bout that......

Now, as I was saying,

What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.

Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!

Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

Some kid: "Yeah?"

Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

*The kid laughs*

Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

The worst joke ever.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.