Worst Jokes Ever

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.