Worst Jokes Ever

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.