Worst Jokes Ever
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
Three Vulcans walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.