Worst Jokes Ever
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Mosely in a white van.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
I fucked your mum!
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the spoon."
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”