Worst Jokes Ever
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Bananana!