Worst Jokes Ever

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?

"Quack, quack."

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

Look in a mirror.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.

I didn't want to interrupt her.

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

Three Vulcans walk into a bar.

The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."

The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."

The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.

Why didn't the bear go to college?

Because bears don't go to college.

Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.

I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.