What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
Worst Jokes Ever
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
What is Jimmy Savile's favorite Roblox game?
"Undress to Impress."
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
What's a prostitute's favorite snack?
Skittles. They love to taste the rainbow.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
