Worst Jokes Ever
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
What is the part of school with all the autistic people called? Downtown.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.