Worst Jokes Ever

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?

They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.

Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the airport.

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?

They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.

Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.

Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

Little Johnny: What are you doing?

Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

How do you get your grass to cut itself?

Make it depressed.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.

What does a cannibal call people in water?

Sea food.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.