Worst Jokes Ever

What did the lettuce say when she is popping the champagne?

If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

What do you call a website that openly encourages racist posts?

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?

A misfit.

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

Olivia Rodrigo

Why can't Chinese people play baseball?

Because they eat the bat.

Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.

"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."

- Joe Biden. (A.K.A. Pedo Peter.)

Biden: My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "That's a pretty big word for a 9-year-old!"

I wish I could follow you, though.

But you need an account so I could follow you, but you don't have one. :'(

What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?

"I'd smash that."

You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."