Worst Jokes Ever
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Somebody asked me, "What's that on your arm?" I just said, "My cats got OCD."
My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"
Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life. Well, I'm on this app 24/7, so do I have no point in life 24/7, or am I just weird and unwanted?
Twin Towers ordered Little Caesars but they got jets.
Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"
Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.
What is the difference between 9/11 and rickrolling?
The Twin Towers gave up and let down.
Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?
Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld
Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.
Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?