A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
Worst Jokes Ever
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
