Worst Jokes Ever
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"