Worst Jokes Ever
Have you ever stepped foot in Stephen Hawking's house? 'Cause he hasn't either.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
What do you call a sheep obsessed with cars? A Lambo.
Uh oh, stinky!
Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.
Orphans don't have parents!!1! ahahahaha ahahaha plz like and subscribe and hit that bell icon #logang #imagamerpersonwedontfuckwiththegenderbinary #wedontfuckingeneral #nofilter #rememberifyousubscribethenisubscribeback
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
Why does Trump build a wall?
There’s such a thing as a ladder.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
Friend: Do you think she likes me?
Me: Yah.
Friend: Really😀😀😀?
Me: Hell no.
Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a wank.
Two Australians walk into a bar. They run into the ceiling fan immediately.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?
Where do astronauts 👩🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?
In their launch box! 🚀📦😂
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
Why wasn’t the moon hungry?
Because it was full!