Worst Jokes Ever
McDonald's worker: Order, order!
Customer: I didn't do anything wrong!
It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
So my bus... goodness.
You're so fat you're the reason they made tread "meals".
You're so ugly we can't have neighbors.
What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
My dad just comes and goes.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.
Which country is next to the USA? USB.
Don't be sad, because that's das backwards and das not good.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?
Christopher Reeve's horse.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?
Cross country.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
So, three guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank.
The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man.
The second one goes for his uncle's vault because screw that son of a b***h; he’s rich, why does he need all the money? But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephew's neck.
The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought, “Well, that b***h can suck my d**k; she’s so poor anyway, who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness?” So he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day, the third guy's ex showed up to his house and said, “I’m gonna f*****g murder you,” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house.
In hell, the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked, “You know, I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house, why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said, “B***h, I don’t know, maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already.”