A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock, and Jill's real name was Randy.
