What do you call a magic car that I can do to help me out for you and I will be doing a great day?
Worst Jokes Ever
Nobody:
Titanic: sYnCccCc
Iceberg: yAaaYeEee
People: yAaanOooO
Ocean: fUuudD
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can never find home.
What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
"I will Always Love You!"
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they have no home.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't call them "daddy."
Do you like Wendy’s?
Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
What music scares balloons?
Pop music.
Why would the banana scream "ouch?"
Because it is getting peeled.
What is Stephen Hawking's mum?
Your mum!
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣