Worst Jokes Ever
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
Bully: You are ugly.
Me: You are so fat, you are the Call of Duty map.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What's a bison's favorite gun?
A PP Bizon.
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
Why are supercars so super? Because it is superfast, lol.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.