Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?
The steering wheel.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
A blind man walked into a fish market and said... "Hello, ladies!"
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
A computer usually has a HARD drive. LESSON. No wonder they remember things.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!