Your hairline is so far back dinosaurs are seeing it.
Worst Jokes Ever
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?
A fine addition to my erection.
"Poo heads."
Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now.
Your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Knock knock. Who is there?
I don't know.
Hey guys, I'm back. I was grounded by my grandfather, so, yeah.
Why did the rapist not get sentenced?
Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
Yo head so big I can skate on yo head.
I'm talking bout real real big, set a plate on yo head, charge a phone on yo head, build a home on yo head, studio wide, write a song on yo head.
Why do orphans get an iPhone X?
Because they have no home button.
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
"Orange you glad I made it?"
I have 25 friends from the alphabet, but don't ask me why.
