What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
Worst Jokes Ever
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
What did the Queen Bee of Destiny's Child say?
"I'm so crazy in love..."
When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
I like dicks... sporting goods.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.
The orphan asked a genie to become Batman. Then he went home and saw his parents dead.
Why are bees' hair always sticky?
Because they use a honeycomb...
Q: What do you call a security guard at Samsung?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."
Facial detection? More like racial detection.
What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?
"To bee or not to bee."
Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.
