You sat on a chair with Uranus.
Worst Jokes Ever
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
"Another one bites the dust."
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
What's harder than titanium? Michael Jackson at the playground.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
These are as weak as the towers.
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
Joe Mama so dumb, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it is still printing.
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
He tied them in little Nazis.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
