What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.
Worst Jokes Ever
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
Teacher: Is anyone's parents missing?
Students: Yeah, yours.
Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.
What do you call a girl above age 16 who says she is a virgin? A liar.
Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
Dinkleberg!
Evan
I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
