Worst Jokes Ever

I don't trust trees...they look shady.

Dmitri! Where's my vodka?

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

It is not funny about kidnapping.

I made a website on orphans, sadly it didn't have a homepage.

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Roses are red, violets are blue, the stonks are high, and so are you.

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

I'm a cheetah, I cheat, duh?

The people in the World Trade Center ordered two pepperoni, but got two planes.

Fuck Jewkraine!

If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What's an emo's favorite game? Hangman.

What do you call a group of emo friends?

THE SUICIDE SQUAD!