Worst Jokes Ever
One does not simply hand over a jar of dirt.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
If your dad didn't bring the milk, what are you dipping your cookies in?
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five. Unfortunately, the tree left him hanging...
You know, their family dinners must be so happy.
Me: Do you like cobble?
My friend: No.
Me: Gobble deez nuts!
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
How did the emo kid compliment the other emo kid? He said, "I like your cuts G."
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
What do Batman and a Black man have in common?
Answer: They can't go anywhere without Robin.
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
What is a testicle's favorite book?
Put Tony's Nuts in Your Mouth!
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
A) Why don't orphans play Minecraft Online?
Q) Because Technoblade will get their I.P. address and cum to their houses!