Worst Jokes Ever
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A milkshake.
Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.
What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys' pants half off.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What does Michael say when he laughs? He he.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
What do you call a Panera Bread after vanishing?
Panera Fade.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"