Worst Jokes Ever
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Why are Helen Keller jokes so funny?
Because she’s blind and deaf.
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
They ordered pepperoni and got ✈️.
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?
Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.
It's okay, you had socks on :)
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!