Worst Jokes Ever

What kind of air does Ariana breathe?

Helium?

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.

Today my ex got hit by a bus.

I also lost my job as a bus driver.

What's the depressed person's favorite song?

Van Halen - Jump

What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?

The quiet kid: AK-47.

What is an emo's favorite movie?

The Suicide Squad.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.