Worst Jokes Ever
Dad, I hate you!
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Why do Jedis stay single?
Because they use "divorce" (the Force).
May divorce be with you!
What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?
Johnny in debt.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?
Because they like to floss.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
What do you call a group of emos?
A cutting board.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
Your mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.
How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
Like if you have nuts.