Yours jokes

When you tell your Roblox girlfriend you’re breaking up with her, and then 10 seconds later you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."

"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Yo mama is so fat and old, when Jesus said "Let there be Light!" he told your mama to move out of the way!

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"