Yours jokes
Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
Ur dad is mad.
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
Like if your dad is abusive.
What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
Why did the cow lick your mum?
Because she had a cream pie.