Yours jokes

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Like if your best friend is emo.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom.