Yours jokes
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Where's your off button?
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.
You're so skinny that you fall.
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
Your hairline couldn't be seen even if it was glowing.
Yo, your hairline look like a cup.
Your hairline got pulled back. You look like you've been climbing Chris, and you got smacked up by Will Smith.
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
What's black and white and red all over?
The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
Do you like In-N-Out?
Yes, why? In and out of your mouth.
Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."
Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.