Yours jokes

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

I like your mom naked.

Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

Me: Hey, I’m your mom.

Orphan: Yay, you came back!

Me: Sike!

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?

It depends on your speed.

Cow A: I slept with your sister!

Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!

All the other cows:

:O

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.