You're jokes

When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.

What's the difference between a gay guy and an oven?

An oven doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?

They are all insane comebacks!!!

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.

Man: "Hey, cute lady!"

Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."

Man: "Not for long!"

And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.

Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"

Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."

Woman: "Never."

And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.

Man: "You look like a dream."

Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"

Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"

And then the man orders flowers and candy.

Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."

And the man shoots the bartender.

Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"

Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

You're so poor you stink like poo-poo in your doo-doo.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?

They didn't open their eyes.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope? Stopping it with a shovel.