You're jokes
Bully: Your mom gay.
Me: There's something on your chin.
Bully: Where?
Me: No, on your fourth one.
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Bee Jokes:
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Buzzy!"
"Why are ya calling me Buzzy this whole time?"
"Because you BEE BUZZing!" (Laughs)
"It's not funny! Jokes are the worst, although I hate those Bee Jokes!"
"Chillax bro. Don't BEE a hater of jokes, dude!" (Laughs)
"Aagh! You always had a choice, but I will sting ya face!"
"No! You BEE like pollen to make HONEY-moon." (Laughs)
"Stoooop!! I'm outta here, your worst fan."
"Fan?"
"Yes, your worst fan!"
"No! Fan!"
"What?! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!"
"Ohhh! Buzzy's looking BEE-wind!" (Laughs)
Dear Grad Parents,
Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.
There will be more information to follow in the coming days.
Thank you.
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
Two wind turbines are standing in a field.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other says, "Well... I'm a huge metal fan..."
So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."
Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."
And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."
I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."
I'm hard right now.
'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer can't explore it!
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...