You're jokes

Your dad.

You're gay.

1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.

2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.

If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.

Welcome.

How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?

One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your dad.

But my dad's dead.

I know, just reminding you!

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.

Your hairline is so old, it’s more wrinkled than my great grandpa's penis.

Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.

You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

Your hairline goes so far back, your forehead got a six pack.

"Simon says touch your chin."

The fat people be like, "Which one?"

Random guy: Hi, how old are you?

Me: 15

The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.

Me: Do you know what else is a number?

The guy: What?

Me: 911

You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.

Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.