You're jokes
Q. What's red and crawls up your leg?
A. A homesick abortion.
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
I like your mom naked.
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.
You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
Me: Hey, I’m your mom.
Orphan: Yay, you came back!
Me: Sike!
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."