You're jokes
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.