You're jokes
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
I want your cock in my rock bottom.
If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
Your hairline is still missing, even Dora can’t explore it!
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"