You're jokes

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.

If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?

From your Dad.

I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.