You're jokes
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.