You're jokes

A telescope has two uses:

1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?

Still being in the orphanage at 13.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

Fill her closet with see-through clothes.

I am your leader.

What’s worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ!

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

Your hairline is so far back that your forehead looks like a growing parasite!

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?

Your mum is so ugly she could make an onion cry.

Girl: I’m so in love with you!

Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.

Girl: What’s the ijk?

Boy: I’m just kidding.

Your leg is straighter than James Charles.