You're jokes
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My sister asked me, "Brother, how do babies come into the world?" Then my mom said, "Be quiet and fuck your brother, darling."
Is that the answer?
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.
Wanna know why your pussy reminds me of a garbage bag?
Because you fill it, stretch it out, and let it stink for weeks.
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.
My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.
Me: So you're gonna leave me again?
Prince might be with a new girl, but he still wants Gwen, who doesn't? Other half.
Gwen on the phone with Prince: Prince, stop sending me letters, poems, and memes through Gmail. We broke up, it's over!
Prince on the phone with Gwen: I know, but that new girl that I been seeing is not you! I miss you a lot! Please come back to me.
Gwen on the phone with Prince: I'm gonna hang up now!
Prince on the phone with Gwen: PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gwen on the phone with Prince: Sorry, I can't hear you...you're breaking up...what?!
Prince on the phone with Gwen: Gwen! DO NOT HANG UP !!!!!!!!
Gwen on the phone with Prince: Okay...bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, does that mean your pants are tucked into your shirt?
What does a man and a gay prostitute have in common with a physically handicapped bisexual man? All three of them are very good at sucking your dick.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Your mom is so ugly even Shrek ran away from her.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?
Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.