You're jokes
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
Gays, blacks, and your maw, mate.
But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
Your mom dot com.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!
Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!