You're jokes

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!

You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?

You're-a-peein'. European.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL

Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother had diabetes.

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: .....it...

Friend: No

Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!

Friend: Why are you like this?

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!

Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?

Your mamma's so fat, the aliens call her their mother ship!

Your dad is your mom.

2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.

How can you help a llama on holiday? Alpaca your bags.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣