You're

You're jokes

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Johnny, Johnny?

Yes, Papa.

Eating sugar?

Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.

Smoking? Telling lies?

Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

  • 2

    • So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

    The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

    You know you're high when you hold all your pineapples hostage and yell, "SpongeBob, I know you're in there!"

    The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

    Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.

    She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.

    The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,

    "Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."

    Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.

  • 3

    • What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

    One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

    Lionel: Leona, please no more singing your annoying Fuzzy Bear song!

    Leona: But I love my song, right Fuzzy?

    Fuzzy Bear: I am going to bite you for not letting your sister sing my song!

    *Fuzzy Bear bites Lionel*

    Lionel: AHHHHHHH

    Vegan Teacher the musical.

    Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"

    Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶

    Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵

    Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵

    Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵

    Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"

    Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"

    - Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.