You're jokes

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

A fat man coming in the store.

Waiter: Oh god, not again :|

Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.

Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?

Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.

BULLY vs. QUIET KID

Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.

Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.

QUIET KID WINS

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.

Here's a joke: Your life decisions.

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

Your hairline is so far back that Green Lantern became Blue Torch.

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.

Like this comment if: - Your mom is sus - Your mum is sus

Dislike if: - You are horny.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

Your hairline is so bad that the Teen Titans gave up.

What did the pen say to the pencil?

The pen said, "You're pointy."

Your hairline is so far back that it would be a 70 mile trip to the back.