Your Mom Jokes

Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.

Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

The image shows a four-panel reaction meme. The top panel shows a person laughing with the caption "You:". The second panel shows another person laughing with the caption "Your brother:". The third panel shows a white cat with an awkward smile with the caption "The guest:". The fourth panel shows a person with a serious face with the caption "Your mom:". Above the panels, the text reads "When you tell a slightly offensive joke at the dinner table."

What should you never say to an orphan?

"Your Mom."

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.

Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."