Your mom jokes

When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

When your mom fell down, a 10 magnitude earthquake shook the Earth.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!

Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.

Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.

Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.