Your mom jokes

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.

Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

What should you never say to an orphan?

"Your Mom."

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.

Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.